


A Christmas Tale

by JWade



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 13:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8803423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JWade/pseuds/JWade
Summary: Gabriel drops by on Christmas and one of his gifts raises a lot of questions that the archangel doesn't particularly want to answer.





	1. Chapter 1

It was Christmas morning and Sam and Dean Winchester and Castiel were sitting around the tree getting ready to open presents when there was another presence in the room. They both turned around and sputtered to see Gabriel plop down on the couch like he belonged there. It had been about eight months since Metatron had resurrected him for use in one of the scribe’s evil plots and though he had been around off and on, none of them expected him to spend Christmas with them. Dean bit his tongue, long used to doing so when Gabriel was around. It was habit now that Sam or Cas would handle the irascible archangel. “What are you doing here brother?” Cas asked confused. 

“Well since you kiddies had the horrible manners not to invite me, I decided to invite myself. Of course if I’m not wanted…”

“No!” three voices chorused before Gabriel could leave. They knew well enough by now that if he had, they would fall prey to all manner of pranks for days to come. Not that him staying would keep the pranks away, but they would be far less vicious. Sam was of the opinion that it was because Gabriel’s feelings were hurt, causing Dean to snort derisively every time he brought it up. Dean wasn’t entirely sure the annoying archangel even had feelings to hurt. Cas could see both sides of the argument and preferred to stay out of it. On one hand, Gabriel was the only family who would speak to him anymore and he didn’t want to lose that, but on the other Cas couldn’t understand Gabriel. He never seemed to say what he meant. 

None of them noticed the two other gifts that appeared under the tree, small as they were and Sam, as the youngest, started passing out the gifts, starting with his own. He felt bad that he didn’t have anything for Gabriel, not that he would have had any idea what to get an archangel that can just materialize whatever he wanted out of thin air. Hopefully, Gabriel’s feelings wouldn’t be hurt and they wouldn’t be subject to all manner of pranks for the next few days. “Sorry I don’t have anything for you, Gabriel. I didn’t know if you celebrated Christmas,” he explained trying to head off the idea before it started. Gabriel just waved him off like it didn’t matter as Dean opened his car detailing kit for Baby and Cas opened a book that was a guide to English idioms. Cas hadn’t exactly been easy to buy for either. 

After accepting thanks from both of them, Dean handed out his gifts to Sam and Cas, giving Gabriel a half-apologetic shrug, which the archangel once again waved off as Sam opened his new leatherbound notebook with runes engraved that kept it from ever filling up and Cas opened a box set of all six Star Wars movies. Cas handed out his gifts next, giving Dean a set of seat covers for the car and Sam an Enochian dictionary. When Gabriel raised an eyebrow at Cas for the gift, Cas just gave him a sheepish look. He knew that teaching Enochian to humans wasn’t generally done, but Sam wanted to learn and they were his family now. 

Before they were about to get up, Sam noticed there were two more gifts under the tree. He looked curiously at Gabriel, guessing they were from him, but not sure why there weren’t three. He would have expected either one for Cas or one for all three of them, but had no idea which two he would get presents for and who he would leave out. Sam read the tags on the gifts and handed one to Dean, and kept one for himself. “Cassie’s present can’t really be wrapped,” Gabriel said with a shrug. “Close your eyes,” he warned the humans and waited until he did so before he reached over and put a hand on Cas’ head and a bright light filled the room. 

“Brother…you…you gave me my wings back…how…” Cas stammered. 

“As an archangel, I can fix the wings of seraphs. It takes a lot out of me though, so don’t go expecting me to give everyone their wings back. You’re still the only one who knows I’m alive anyway,” Gabriel said gruffly, cutting off Cas’ question before he could even think to ask it. 

“Thank you, Gabriel,” Cas said softly bowing his head in deference. 

“Hey, it’s Christmas after all. You muttonheads can open yours now,” he said wanting to get all the uncomfortable thanks out of the way at once. Sam went first and pulled out a string with a long golden feather. Cas sucked in a sharp breath and got a warning look from Gabriel. The seraph gave an imperceptible nod and kept his mouth shut for now as Gabriel explained. “It will make you immune to demonic powers and heal minor to moderate injuries and let me know if you have any life-threatening injuries that it can’t heal.”

“And…that’s all it does?” Sam asked suspiciously. 

“Yep. Well it’ll act as a beacon if you get hurt beyond its ability to heal so I can find you and heal you, but that’s it.” 

Sam looked at Cas for confirmation and the seraph gave a slight nod, so Sam put it on. “Thanks Gabriel.”

Dean took the opportunity to open his and found an amulet. Somehow he knew that it was more than it appeared and looked to Gabriel for explanation. “It’s wrapped up in protective wards. Not quite as complete as the feather, but I can only give away one of those. It should keep you out of too much trouble though.”

“Maybe we should switch…” Sam started to say before he was cut off. 

“No!” Gabriel and Cas both said at once. 

“My feather is bound to you. It can’t be used by anyone else,” Gabriel said quickly. 

“Oh. Okay,” Sam said with a tinge of sadness. He would rather Dean have more protection, but he wouldn’t say anything that could be construed as ungrateful. The younger hunter noticed Gabriel and Cas attempting to have a silent conversation so he decided to give them a minute, and if he happened to eavesdrop on them well, it was his house. He couldn’t help but feel that there was more to this feather than he knew. “Hey, Dean. Come help me get the stuff ready for the movie,” he said pulling Dean into the kitchen. 

Once they were alone in the room, Cas turned to Gabriel. “You gave him a feather!?” he asked incredulously, only getting a sarcastic look from the archangel as if to say ‘obviously’. “Does he have any idea what that symbolizes?”

“Of course not. If he did he would never wear it,” Gabriel said shortly. 

“You don’t think he should know?” Cas asked pointedly. 

“No. I don’t. And you are not to tell him Cassie. Understand?” he said firmly. Cas continued looking at him as if he were looking for a little more explanation. “It doesn’t matter what it symbolizes. I want him to be safe. It will do its job. That’s all anyone needs to worry about.”

“But what about what it means for you?” Cas asked softly. 

“That ship already sailed, Cassie,” Gabriel said closing his eyes against the wash of pain. Cas looked at him curiously, and Gabriel rolled his eyes and motioned to the book in his lap, refusing to say another word on the matter. Cas had just found the right page in the book and realized what his brother had been saying when Sam and Dean came back in the room with two large bowls of popcorn and a tray of Christmas cookies as they put in the first of the Christmas movies they were planning to watch today. 

Sam had heard every word that Gabriel and Cas had said, and was trying to puzzle it out. From what he could figure, the feather would do exactly what Gabriel said it would do, but it meant something else. Neither of them had let on what exactly it meant though beyond the fact that it would have some sort of effect on Gabriel as well and that worried Sam. He found that now that the feather was around his neck he couldn’t remove it though, but he could touch it. After he’d eaten his fill, his hands kept finding their way to the feather, amazed by how soft it was to the touch and he couldn’t help the hint of a smile as it reminded him that Gabriel wanted him to be safe. 

Gabriel had spent most of the movie watching Sam out of the corner of his eyes as the hunter played with the feather around his neck and wished that Sam would have accepted it in the manner that it was meant. At least Sam was safe, and Gabriel now had the means to save him if anything bad enough happened. That was really all he wanted. Well no. That wasn’t all he wanted, but he knew that was the best he could get and that’s what really mattered. There was far too much history for him to have what he wanted. 

Sam had caught Gabriel looking at him and dropped the feather like he’d been burnt. “Sorry,” he said embarrassedly. “You can’t…um…feel anything from it still…can you?” he asked with a bright blush. 

“No. I can’t,” Gabriel said turning his attention back to the movie. He stuck around for a couple more movies before taking off before dinner. He would have left sooner, but he needed to rest up after healing Cassie’s wings. A few minutes later found three turkeys running around the bunker cursing Gabriel, or attempting to at least. All that was coming out was gobbles.


	2. Chapter 2

Fortunately, the prank wore off after about an hour. Unfortunately, Sam had somehow used his limited flight to end up on top of the bookshelves in the library, Dean was on the kitchen counter trying to get some water out of the sink, and Cas was perched on the banister in the entry hall trying to get the outside door open, hoping that by passing through the wards it would end the spell. Needless to say, both Sam and Cas had quite the fall and Dean wasn’t in the best situation either as his head, now overbalanced fell in the sink before he toppled off the counter. Dean had the shortest fall, and didn’t bruise much more than his ego, Cas’ grace immediately healed the minor wounds his vessel received and Sam’s feather did the same for him. At least now he knew it worked as the pain in his wrist disappeared as fast as it appeared. 

It was three grumbling occupants who converged on the kitchen for their delayed dinner, not that any of them could bring themselves to eat the turkey now so they just munched on the sides. None of them were willing to admit that it was pretty funny, despite the fact that they couldn’t eat their main course, so it was half-hearted anger that was directed at the missing archangel. After dinner they watched one more movie before heading off to bed. Well Sam and Dean went to bed. Cas went to the library. He had been helping Sam by cataloging and organizing the library while they were sleeping. As brilliant as the men of letters were, none of them had been able to figure out what organization system they had used in the library, assuming of course there had been one at all. 

Sam found sleep elusive, the feather heavy on his chest. Not physically heavy, of course. It was light as a…well…as a feather. What could it mean though? There were a thousand ideas running through the hunter’s head, not all of them good. In fact, most of them bad. Gabriel had said that Sam would never wear it if he knew, so it must be bad. He also worried about what it could mean for Gabriel. It did give him a warm feeling that Gabriel wanted to keep him safe, but at what cost? He finally gave up on sleep and made his way towards the library. He had been intending to wait to interrogate Cas, but he had to know. He found the seraph working through a large stack of books. “Hey Cas?” 

“I can’t tell you what it means,” Cas said not turning to look at the hunter, but anticipating his question anyway. He owed Gabriel his loyalty, not just for renewing his wings, but because he was the last archangel. He couldn’t go against a direct order. 

“Can’t you just…I don’t know…give me a hint? Point me in the right direction? Something?” Sam asked hopefully, trying not to push. He didn’t want to cause trouble with Cas and the only brother he had left after all, but he couldn’t just go on not knowing. 

Cas considered for a moment. He knew that Sam deserved to know, and didn’t think the situation was quite as hopeless as Gabriel seemed to think. These hunters had surprised him more than once. Especially Sam when it came to matters of the heart. Not to mention, he owed the hunter just as much loyalty as he did his brother. He couldn’t go against a direct order, but maybe he could go around it. He wondered briefly if Gabriel would be proud of his thinking once his anger wore off. His lips quirked as he made his way deeper into the library without a word and came back and dropped a book on the table, not looking at Sam, but the hunter got the hint anyway and sat down pulling the book to him as Cas continued his organizing.

The book was very old, hand-written on yellowing paper. It was written by one of the early men of letters who befriended an angel, but it was written more like a textbook or a guide than a journal. There was no index or table of contents, not that there usually were in these books, especially the hand-written ones, but he was able to flip through and find the section on feathers. 

 

For an angel to gift a feather is a sacred thing. In addition to repelling all demonic influence, an angel’s feather can protect its wearer from all but the most serious of injuries, sending a wave of healing whenever the wearer obtains any injuries. The feather will also act as a beacon if the wearer should be hurt beyond the feather’s capacity to heal allowing the angel to whom it belongs to find and complete the healing of the wearer. The feather will not allow the wearer to die from any injuries, and will keep the wearer in good health. Camael does not believe that it will prevent a mortal from passing on at the end of his life, but cannot be certain as such a feather has never been gifted to a mortal before with good reason.

Feathers can only be given to one whom the angel loves wholly and unconditionally with their entire being and should the feather be touched by anyone else before bonding with the recipient, the feather will burn to ash and perhaps burn the offending person to ash as well, depending on their intentions. Once the feather has been worn, it bonds with the recipient and can never be touched by another, save the angel that gifted it. Should the wearer lose the love of the angel, the feather will wither and die, causing no harm, but ceasing to protect the wearer. 

 

Sam blinked at the page in shock. Gabriel…loved him? Really truly loved him? If this book was right then he must or he wouldn’t have even been able to touch the feather, but he was completely bowled over by the idea. He had no idea how he felt about it right now. He could figure that out later. There was more to the section though, and he hadn’t yet read about whatever it meant for Gabriel that Cas had warned him about. 

 

An angel can only ever gift one feather for their entire existence, and once gifted, this feather marks its wearer as the angel’s eternal mate. The angel will never be able to have a romantic relationship with another, even after the wearer’s death, should the wearer actually die, no matter whether the love was lost over time or not. Such a gift will not interfere with the wearer’s free will, should the wearer wish to have other relationships, though the emotional pain caused to the angel in such an event would be significant. This effect, however, would dissipate if the love were lost and the wearer was no longer in contact with the feather. For this reason, no angel would accept a feather from another without offering one in return and once the effect is reciprocated, the two would be bonded for eternity. 

There have been very few instances of angels exchanging feathers, partially due to the fact that angels are supposed to love none above their father, and such an act signifies that the wearer is now first in the angel’s heart, before all others, their father included. It is unclear whether or not this is forbidden, or just what their father’s opinion of it is, but it is at the very least frowned upon greatly. Another reason this is seldom done, is because of the depth of the commitment. Eternity is a very long time, even for angels and it is not able to be undone. 

 

Sam closed the book and closed his eyes as a wave of conflicting emotions washed over him. He couldn’t even pick one of them out, they were so jumbled together. Gabriel had bound himself to him. Forever. Gabriel, Mr. Casanova himself, had thrown away any possibility of being with anyone ever again. More than that, if Sam were ever with anyone else, Gabriel would feel ‘significant’ pain. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know how much pain an angel would consider significant. More importantly, Gabriel never wanted him to know. Gabriel apparently wanted him to go on with his life without ever knowing how much he cared or how much he would hurt when Sam was with others. Sam realized that at least one of the feelings that was overwhelming him was anger. Anger that Gabriel would keep something so important from him. Anger that yet another person was sacrificing everything for him without even considering his own thoughts on the matter. Anger that he could have…’would’ have…hurt Gabriel greatly without ever knowing about it. 

Still…there was one thing he needed to confirm first. “Is there any difference between an angel’s feather and an archangel’s?” he asked the seraph who had continued on like Sam wasn’t there. Sam assumed that since Cas had given him the book there wasn’t, but he needed to know for sure. 

“There is not,” Cas said so softly that Sam barely heard him.

Sam swallowed around the lump in his throat and whispered, “Good night, Cas,” and heard the answer as he made his way back to his room. He had no illusions that he would be sleeping that night. He had far too much on his mind, but he could think about it just as easily in his room as he could in the library and at least this way his body could rest, even if his mind never did.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam, as expected, found sleep elusive. He had so many thoughts and feelings flooding his mind that he couldn’t even focus on one of them, much less quiet them so that he could sleep. It was hours before the emotions dulled enough that he could actually start to analyze things. Gabriel loved him. He loved him…what had the book said? Wholly, unconditionally, and with his entire being. That was a heady thing and not something that Sam could just throw away. Being so loved was a gift and Sam couldn’t help being warmed by the thought, no matter how he felt about Gabriel. Being so loved by an archangel though…especially after everything he’d done and been in the past…it was overwhelming. Almost terrifying. 

Sam thought back on their past encounters trying to pick out the spot where Gabriel first fell for him. He’d noticed Gabriel flirting when they first met, but flirting didn’t mean anything. Hell, Sam had flirted back and while he had been attracted to the little janitor, he definitely hadn’t felt anything profound for him, and even that attraction died once Sam found out that he was a ‘monster’. Or was Sam just trying to convince himself of that. Sam thought about it a little more and admitted that if he was honest with himself, it had only increased with Gabriel’s little power play at the end there. It had a large bucket of cold water dumped on it when Gabriel had killed Dean though. 

Mystery Spot was the hardest part for him to think about. How could Gabriel have put him through that? That had to have been before he loved him. Unless…he furrowed his brow as he remembered what Gabriel had said at the end. About how it would only end in blood and pain and it would be the death of him. Was Gabriel trying to stop Lucifer from being released? Was he trying to make Sam give up on Dean so he didn’t drink the demon blood? Now that he was looking at it objectively he could see the pain in Gabriel’s eyes as he practically begged him to listen and the defeat when Sam refused. Then Gabriel had disappeared for almost two years, only showing back up when they wouldn’t ‘play their roles’. 

Sam thought about the confrontations in TV land. First when they were on the sitcom set, the way Gabriel pointed out so ruthlessly that it was Sam’s fault. At first he thought it was cruel of Gabriel to throw that in his face, but if he really had tried to stop it and Sam wouldn’t listen, then he couldn’t really blame Gabriel for being bitter. Then the end…they had found out the ‘monster’ was actually an angel and Gabriel was talking about how he just wanted it to be over. Did he really mean his family fighting or just losing Sam? Given his next actions it seemed like it might have been the latter. 

Now that he was thinking about it, there was no doubt in his mind that Gabriel loved him by the time he sacrificed his life to get them out of there. When he stood up to Lucifer to give them time to escape. At the time, they had thought that it was Kali that they had been trying to save, even with the dvd about how to open the cage again. They had been blind. Gabriel was there for them. He was there first to save them from the gods and then from Lucifer. Gabriel had done everything for them. For him. And he had died for it. 

It was a good thing that Gabriel had managed to get a message to Cas while Metatron was holding him prisoner after resurrecting him. With all of the angel warding, Cas could never have gotten through to rescue him, leaving the task up to Sam and Dean. Ever since then, Gabriel would pop by every so often and usually bearing gifts such as rare books and artifacts that he had ‘stumbled over’. Sam always figured that it was because he was grateful for them saving him, and he was still sure that was at least part of it, but now he knew there was more too. The vicious pranks when he was run off were now explained too and Sam knew he had been right about Gabriel’s feelings being hurt, but it seemed that he had underestimated the depth and the guilt just increased the weight of the feather on his chest. Gabriel had given everything for him. He had always given everything for him and Sam greeted it with indifference at best and hostility at worst, depending on his mood at any given time. He wished he could take it back. 

By the end of his musings, he was certain that he had feelings for Gabriel. How could he not care for someone who had given so much for him? Who had loved him so completely for so long? Who had sacrificed everything without ever asking for anything in return? If his suspicions about Mystery Spot were correct, he wouldn’t be surprised if he actually fell in love with the spirited archangel. Right now the residual bitterness over that incident was preventing anything more. Nothing else he had done had been so bad, but that bitterness wouldn’t go away without confirmation that his suspicions were correct. 

He needed to talk to Gabriel. And soon. Calling him so quickly though would just point the finger at Cas and cause an argument between them and he wanted to protect Cas from that. He would have to give it a few days and then say that he found the book in the library, which wasn’t a lie. Finding it right away would raise too many questions though. He finally did drift off to sleep near dawn, his dreams filled with whiskey eyes, sandy hair, and smirking lips. 

 

Sam woke near lunch time feeling reasonably well rested, and ignored the curious looks from Cas and confused looks from his brother as he went through his days in a haze. He knew he needed to spend time in the library to supposedly find the book so he decided to read some more of it. He wanted to know more about angels anyway and even Cas was generally fairly tightlipped on all but the most basic things. The more he read the more surprised he was that an angel would give a human so much information. There was everything from the power structure and hierarchies of heaven to anatomy to culture and customs. Basically everything anyone could ever want to know about angels. He would take notes later, for now he was just reading and soaking up as much as he could. That was how he generally did things when time wasn’t an issue. A quick read-through to get an idea for the content and where he could find the important information and then the second time he took notes and actually studied the information from there. 

It took him four days to finish a first read-through of the thick book, and he had kept himself locked in the library except for sleeping and some meals during that time. By the time he was done, he knew he needed to talk to Gabriel, but he didn’t want to do it here where anyone could listen in so he made his way to his room, hoping that it had been enough time for Sam to pull Cas out of the fire, and he prayed for Gabriel. 

“What’s up Samsquatch?” Gabriel asked curiously, leaned casually against the wall with his arms crossed loosely over his chest. 

Sam’s mouth went dry as he looked at the archangel and he suddenly wished that he had planned out what he was going to say here, rather than just acting. “I…um…” Sam stammered and his hand, as it had often over the last few days, found its way to the feather around the hunter’s neck. “Why…um…why didn’t you ever say anything?” he asked with a gulp. 

Gabriel’s eyes narrowed a fraction as he said, “Say anything about what?” 

Sam barely noticed the reaction from Gabriel. In fact, if he hadn’t been looking for it he wouldn’t have noticed at all, but as he was, he could hear the hint of warning in the archangel’s voice and he swallowed audibly. “I…um…the…the feather…it’s…it means…”

“So my dear little brother told you then,” Gabriel said and now the steel in his voice was more than noticeable and Sam was sure that if he didn’t do something that Cas would be in serious trouble. 

“He didn’t tell me anything,” Sam said quickly which was the truth. “I…um…I overheard you two talking when we went to get the popcorn and stuff so I knew there was more to it and I went looking and found this book in the library that explained it.” Also truth. The fact that he ‘found’ the book on the table after Cas had put it there didn’t need to be told. 

“And you really expect me to believe that? That there is a book out there that explains the most intimate parts of angelic customs for any human to read?” Gabriel scoffed. 

“No really. A-apparently one of the old men of letters befriended an angel who helped him write the book,” Sam explained, glad that the existence of the book was the part Gabriel decided to focus on. 

“No angel would ever give a human that kind of information,” Gabriel shot back annoyed that Sam must think he was a fool. 

“I can show you the book if you want, but you have to promise not to do anything to it,” Sam offered. 

“Anything like…” Gabriel asked with his eyes narrowed. If such a book really did exist…

“You can’t destroy it or erase it or change it or do anything at all other than look at it,” Sam told him, hoping he’d covered all his bases. Gabriel was still a trickster after all. 

“Fine. I promise,” Gabriel said rolling his eyes and wondering how Sam was going to produce such a book. 

“Okay. Wait here,” Sam said rushing from the room and back to the library, grabbing the book from where he left it sitting on the table. 

When Sam handed the book to Gabriel, the archangel barely glanced at it, but an expression came over his face of pain and anger and fear and a multitude of other things that Sam couldn’t place before he found the book thrust back at him. Sam barely managed to catch the book before it hit the ground. “Get that thing away from me before I screw my promise and destroy it anyway,” Gabriel growled. 

“Gabriel…what…”

“Go!”

Sam rushed out of the room and returned the book to the library and made his way quickly back to his room hoping that an explanation was forthcoming. Gabriel’s reaction seemed a little extreme. When Sam stepped into the doorway he stopped short at the sight of Gabriel facing the wall, one hand braced against it as the other pinched the bridge of his nose as his face was scrunched up in pain and Sam could even see a couple tears leaking from Gabriel’s eyes. He walked over and put a hand on Gabriel’s shoulder. “Gabriel?” he asked gently. 

“It’s fine,” Gabriel said turning back to Sam and wiping all trace of the apparent trauma from his expression. 

“No, it’s not,” Sam said softly. “What…um…what was that?” 

Gabriel considered for a moment whether he should tell the hunter, but decided that it couldn’t hurt and would help explain his reaction. He felt bad for yelling at Sam like that, after all. “You think this old man of letters befriended an angel?” Sam nodded and Gabriel’s lip curled in disgust. “Well he didn’t. He captured and tortured an angel for every bit of information in that book. I can…can still feel Cami’s terror and agony imbedded in it. And since Camael has never been seen since, and there was no war on the men of letters, he must have killed him when he was done.”


	4. Chapter 4

Sam didn’t even have a chance to try and make it to the bathroom before he was on his knees retching. He was really wishing he hadn’t had dinner right about now. At least Gabriel was nice enough to vanish the mess as Sam’s stomach emptied and the hunter sat back, leaning against the wall with his eyes closed against the rush of images he didn’t want. “Go destroy it,” he said weakly. 

“Are you sure? There’s still a lot of useful information in there,” Gabriel said with a raised eyebrow. That was obviously his preference, but he was curious as to why Sam wanted him to. Not to mention, he had promised so the least he could do is make sure the hunter was sure before he took action. 

“I don’t care,” Sam said leaning his head back against the wall and taking a few deep breaths to keep from vomiting again. “Knowing what it cost…how it…how it was made…I can’t…I can’t even look at it again and I definitely don’t want the damn thing anywhere near me. It should never have existed. Just…get rid of it. Please.”

“As you wish,” Gabriel said with a respectful nod before flying to the library and picking up the book that turned to ash in his hand and then flying back to Sam’s room. “Will you be alright?” he asked, part of him wanting to leave immediately, but wanting to make sure Sam would be okay first. 

“Why…why didn’t Cas sense it?” Sam quickly realized his mistake as he rushed to clarify. “I mean, Cas has been working in the library for a while. I’m sure he must have run across it at some point.”

“He wouldn’t have sensed anything because it wasn’t his job,” Gabriel said sadly. At Sam’s confused look Gabriel explained. “It was the job of the archangels to protect the young ones. The impressions in the book were too faint for a seraph to pick up. It could only be felt by one who’d failed him so miserably.”

“You…you didn’t,” Sam said trying to pull himself to his feet as Gabriel scoffed. “Really. I…I know you Gabriel. If you’d had any idea you would have done something. They…the men of letters…they had some of the best wards ever. They must have been able to keep it hidden. You didn’t fail anyone. You couldn’t have known.” 

“I should have,” Gabriel said heatedly. “I was here on earth. I was the closest to where he was suffering. I should have been paying closer attention. If I were I might have noticed…”

Sam pulled Gabriel into a tight hug. “Don’t,” he whispered as the archangel’s arms tentatively wrapped around him. “Don’t do that to yourself. It wasn’t your fault. There was nothing you could have done.”

“You can’t know that,” Gabriel said, having lost his battle with his tears. 

“I know that you can’t beat yourself up over what might have been. If you had known, you would have done something. You didn’t know and no amount of second guessing yourself now can change that,” Sam said soothingly as he ran a hand through Gabriel’s hair as the other held him tightly. 

It was a few minutes before Gabriel regained control of himself and stepped back out of the hunter’s embrace. “You realize I’m going to throw your words back in your face often,” he said with a half-hearted smirk. 

Sam couldn’t help the small chuckle that pulled from him. He knew that much even as he was saying it. He saw Gabriel starting to raise his hand to snap his fingers and disappear. “Wait. Don’t go yet,” he said quickly and Gabriel lowered his hand with a curious look to the hunter. Part of Sam wanted to let Gabriel go and lick his wounds in private, but he still needed to talk about the purpose of this visit and Gabriel’s masks weren’t quite as strong as they usually were. If he let Gabriel go now, then he would have time to fortify those masks and make a plan for how to deal with this situation and Sam didn’t want that, so he forged ahead. “Despite how I found out, I can’t just unlearn what I know. I just…I have one question.”

Gabriel grit his teeth, but resolved himself to answer anyway. Denying Sam was never something he was any good at. “Fine. Ask.”

“Mystery Spot. Were you trying to get me to let go so I wouldn’t release Lucifer?” 

Gabriel couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “Obviously.” The archangel was caught completely off-guard as he was swept into a kiss. 

Sam was caught just as off-guard at the rush of feelings as soon as his lips pressed against Gabriel’s and he knew he’d been lying to himself. He loved Gabriel. He had no idea how long he had, but he couldn’t deny it anymore. He loved the beautiful archangel that he was holding in his arms and he didn’t want this moment to ever end. End it did though, as Gabriel gently pushed him away and turned away from him. Sam reached for him and reverently whispered, “Gabriel…”

“Don’t, Sam. Please. Not like this,” Gabriel said in a pained voice. “I didn’t give you that feather so that you could sacrifice your life for me. That’s why I never wanted you to know what it meant.”

Sam realized what Gabriel thought. He thought that Sam was just trying to make the best of it and give Gabriel what he wanted with no regard for his own feelings. “No, Gabriel. You’re wrong. This isn’t about sacrificing anything. I…I love you Gabriel. I have for a while. I’m sorry I never told you before, but I do.”

Gabriel scoffed. “Right.”

Sam knew that he was going to have to come clean completely if he wanted this. He had no doubt of Gabriel’s feelings, and he needed to make sure Gabriel had no doubts about his. “You must know that I was attracted to you from the moment we met. I…I don’t know when it turned to love. I’ve spent so much time lying to myself about any of this. I just…I was the boy with the demon blood and you’re an archangel. Like I would ever have a chance. When…when I found out what this feather meant, I was shocked and actually tried to think about what I was feeling. I knew immediately that I cared about you, but there was still a little residual bitterness over Mystery Spot. Now that I know what the purpose was…I didn’t even realize until I kissed just how head over heels I am for you. I’m not sure when it happened, but I know how I feel. I love you Gabriel.”

“It’s easy to feel something when you kiss someone,” Gabriel pointed out, not ready to believe Sam. 

“I know that,” Sam resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “I know the difference. This wasn’t just a reaction to a nice kiss. It wasn’t just lust or attraction or whatever. It was…everything slotting into place. It was figuring out my place in the world and the answer to every question I’ve ever had. It was…it was coming home,” Sam blushed brightly at the sappiness of his words, but he had to make Gabriel see. 

Gabriel turned to look at Sam for the first time since the kiss, and he couldn’t help the hope bubbling up in him as he stepped close to the hunter and searched his eyes for the truth. He apparently found what he was looking for because he pulled the hunter down for another kiss and Sam poured everything he felt for Gabriel into that moment. It was far from chaste, but it wasn’t lustful either. It was deep and slow and…profound. 

When they had to break for air, Sam rested his forehead against Gabriel’s, trying to catch his breath as he felt the tears prickling behind his eyes. “I love you, Gabriel,” he whispered. 

“And I love you, Sam.”


End file.
